It 5:30 a.m. Friday, April 18, 2008. I’ve been up since rudely awakened by my shaking bed and trembling house and contents. EARTHQUAKE! I quickly got Matt and Leah out of their beds and under the doorway of Leah’s bedroom.
Randy has been working nights so he had a different experience of alarms going off at the refinery where he works. They initially thought that something had exploded and were headed for their bomb shelters. He was pretty excited when he called to quickly check in.
The internet news tells me it was centered at West Salem and registered a 5.4.
I tried to lay down afterward. My body was tight and stiff as a stretched drum and wouldn’t relax enough to let me go back to sleep. I thanked God my family was safe and my home seemed to be intact. My usual sense of mis-directed pride was congratulating myself that I so quickly reacted in the proper way in that I knew what was happening and what to do about it. But then I started thinking about the WHAT IF’s. WHAT IF if I hadn’t been at home with my kids? I wouldn’t have been here to protect them. WHAT IF the house would have twisted and turned and torn apart? Did I have them in an area where they would have been protected? I should have taken them outside. WHAT IF they would have been sleeping in the basement, as they sometimes do if friends are staying over? Would I have been able to get to them to get them out? I’m always shuddering at the site of Leah’s room, which is a cluttered obstacle course. WHAT IF some of the vases and books and picture frames would have vibrated off her bookshelf fell onto her head as she lay in her bed? WHAT IF the picture above Matt’s bed would have fell on him? Lord, I’ve been WHAT IF-ing most of my life as a mother. I sometimes drive my family crazy when voicing my WHAT-IF’s. Matt calls me "crazy-pyscho mom" in his attempt to dismiss my fears for their safety.
Lord, this morning has again reminded me that these children are in Your hands. I am powerless to protect them from all the world’s evil. They are best protected by You, not me. Thank You for the precious gift of my children, but help me to always remember they are in Your hands, the most wonderful place of all. Guide me, Lord, in their care and guide my thoughts to You and away from the WHAT-IF’s.
“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 27 "And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 28 "And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, 29 yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. 30 "But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! 31 "Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ 32 "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. 33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6: 25-34)
The WHAT-IF’s are worry and my worrying does nothing to protect them. Forgive me, Lord, for my lack of trust in You.
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