Empty Spaces by Julie Short

Recently, I began to pray for God to pour me out and fill me up with Him.  I catch myself thinking “less of me more you, God.”  I felt good about this, and I kind of puffed up, “Look at me I’m allowing God to pour me out.”  I guess I thought it was like pouring out a glass of water and filling it with fresh cold lemonade. 

I find myself relating to Peter when he told Jesus, “Just don’t wash my feet. Wash all of me.”  Like I am telling God, “Go ahead, pour me out. I’m ready.” 

Well I thought I was ready, that was until the pouring out process began.  My real ugly selfish stuff that I had filled myself up with began to surface. Answered prayer, but as it surfaced I began to see how big it was, how full of selfishness I actually am.  I began to think if God pours me out, there won’t be anything left.  I thought I will crack and smash to the floor like an egg falling from the kitchen counter, hitting the floor and exploding into a mess of goo and goop that needs to be discarded. 

My haughty hopes dashed- maybe this pouring out process wasn’t such a good idea after all.  I shared my dismay with a dear friend and she began to explain her thoughts using (of all things) an egg.  She asked me if I ever blew out an egg at Easter.  I said no, so she explained the process of gently poking two holes in the egg one at the top and one at the bottom.  She then explained how the thick yoke actually comes out the tiny hole.

 Hope again, while God is gently blowing out my selfish gunk he is filling the empty spaces with his love, mercy, grace and the Holy Spirit.  So when my selfishness begins to be emptied out, I won’t crash to the floor, but will be filled with new life, as I read God’s word and pray.

I wonder if that’s what we all fear, the empty spaces, to different degrees.  I feared the empty space of being poured out because I had filled my life with self-doubt, self-pity, with my-self.  I believe there are many things we can fill the empty spaces of our lives up with.  Some fill the emptiness with food, some fill it with stuff, some even to the point of hording, some use drugs and alcohol, some fill the emptiness with being busy, some work, details, perfection.

  

The only way we are truly able to fill the empty spaces is by allowing God, to fill us up by giving him our ugliness, repenting, being baptized and following Him.